By Choice.

Last night, I came from work @ 12mn. My team leader went home early and one teammate and myself were left in the office when the system encountered problem. So both of us fixed the problem and did some data recovery. We finished around 11.30 pm. It was so tiring because I am not used to working this late already.

Around 10 pm, while we were doing some data recovery, my teammate told me that I can leave already. He said, I can left him and he will finish the job. I told him that I will help him finish it. He said, it was okay because I have a baby and my baby will be waiting for me. It was a tempting offer but I felt it would be unprofessional to accept his offer so I decline. I stayed until the job is done.

When I reached home, my Kylie was sleeping already. I felt guilty because every night when I go home from work and everytime she sees me, the smile on her face is priceless. I can see that she’s very happy to see me. Last night, I did not see that smile and I was not able to give her that happiness.

Then I came to realize that it is really very difficult to work and be a mother @ the same time (though this is common already). Especially that my kind of work is very demanding. I have to choose - to be a mother who is there for my baby or to be a hard core employee who works her ass off. If I ask for more work, there will be more demands and to be able to cope up with these work demands means that I will have less time to give for my baby’s needs. Priorities must now be set, because in reality, work-life balance is really difficult to come by.

I have realized that I like it this way. Less demanding job means more time for my family and that should be the equation for a working mom like me, not the other way around.

Anxieties

If there is a time that I have lots of things to think and worry about, this is that time.

Yesterday, I have received a bad news. It is disappointing but life must go on. To stay on the positive side, I think it’s better it happened that way. I know God has plans for us that are even better than the plans we have for ourselves. I don’t think this way just to make me feel okay. I think this way because I know that this is true and that things happen for a reason which is accordance to His will. We may think that this is the right time for us but it is not yet His time and I trust Him with everything in our lives.

I am also anxious about my labor and delivery. I think you cannot take that away from an expecting mother. I worry more for my baby. I pray that she will be a normal & healthy baby girl. I also pray that I won’t have difficulty delivering her to this world and that she will not have difficulty coming out from me. I am so excited on April. Jay-ar and I will have our little angel at last.

I am also worried about me going back to work. The last time I was working, it was so tiring, stressful and depressing. Now when I think about it, I wouldn’t care anymore if I will be going back to the same tiring, stressful and depressing work as long as I still have a job. I will try to be stronger this time. But of course, I am still praying that the work I will be going back to will not be as tiring, stressful and depressing as before. If my prayer will be granted, I will be very happy and thankful. If not, I will still be thankful for I still have a job and try to be tougher to face the challenges. I want to be the kind of person being mentioned in the saying that if the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

Lastly, I am worried about our land acquisition in Laguna Bel-Air 3. This is the first time that we entered into this kind of dealings wherein there are lots of legal documents to prepare and submit and lots of processing that we need to go through. I pray that the processing will be as hassle-free as possible and that we can comply with the monthly amortization. I will be very glad and grateful when the time comes that we have done paying for the lots we are acquiring and we are debt-free again.

I pray to God to help us with all our undertakings and responsibilities this 2009 and all the years to come and provide us good health to be able to do all the things that we need to do. I also pray for His guidance on all the decisions we need to make in our lives. And I thank Him for all the blessings that He has given us. All that have been mentioned above are blessings from God. I know I should not worry too much but I guess it’s just human-nature to worry. But I know that if I trust these things to Him, everything will be alright. 

Maligayang Kaarawan sa Lalaking Nagpapaligaya sa Akin Araw-araw!

I cannot remember the first time I saw him. I know I have been introduced to him but the picture of how it was has been already erased on my mind. It was not actually love at first sight, I never believed in that after all. Though I remember the first time I saw his smile which made me fall head over heels with him. And until now, that same smile is what makes me crazy over him.

I love him so much. Sometimes I still wonder how I let myself fall this deep. It is really unexpected. Especially for a man-hater like me. Well, not anymore. I have loved and still loving a man more than my life. I remember when I used to tell my mom that I will be forever single and I will never ever get married. Guess what? I was married twice and with the same wonderful man.

I do not believe in love at first sight but I do believe in soulmates. I know that he is my soulmate - the one that God has chosen to be with me forever. And I am very grateful to Him for choosing Jay-ar for me. He may not be perfect, nobody is, but he is the perfect one for me and he will forever be my one and only love.

To Jay-ar, Happy Happy Birthday. Thank you for all your patience, love and thoughtfulness. I know I can be out of bounds sometimes but you always put up with my tantrums and mood swings. You are an amazing person in and out and I love you to pieces. I will always always be here for you no matter what. I will care for you and love you forever and beyond.

This song is for you.

WHEN I MET YOU

There I was an empty piece of shell
I smile in my own world without even knowing
What love and life was all about

Then you came, you brought me out of the shell
You gave the world to me and before I knew
There I was so in love with you

You gave me a reason for my being
And I love what I’m feeling
You gave new meaning to my life
Yes, I’ve gone beyond existing
And it all began
When I met you…

I love the touch of your hand
When i look in your eyes i just want
I know I’m on to something good

And I’m sure my love for you will endure
Your love will light up my world
And take all my fears

You taught me how to love
You showed me how tomorrow and today
My love is different from the yesterday i knew
You taught me how to love
And darling I will always cherish you
Today, tomorrow and forever

And I’m sure when evening comes around
I know we’d be making love like never before
My love who could ask for more

Weekend Bonanza

Ay naku! I had a terrible weekend.

.
Please read on...

.

Friday:

.

I was attacked by weirdness last Friday night. I was happily chatting with my labidabi Jay-ar when all of a sudden a YM window popped up on my screen saying “Hello”. Checked who was it from and it was from my mom. Okay lang sana kaya lang nasa tabi ko ang mom ko that time watching TV! So I was surprised and told my mom that she just sent me a YM message. Of course, she was shocked as well. I asked her if she had given her password to somebody else. She said no. So obviously the person using her YM ID is a hacker. To know who it was, I kept on chatting with the impostor. I told her that I’m a student of hers (she was playing the role of my mom). Good thing she didn’t know that I am suppose to be her daughter. Hehehe! She tried to make me view her webcam twice but unfortunately it was not setup properly and for some reason, it didn’t work. Sayang! Gusto ko pa naman makita face nya. And what’s weird about it is that she had the guts to show her face to me to think that I know the person she was role-playing. She was also requesting to see my webcam and I told her that it was broken. And to make the long story short, I failed to know who that person is because my mom can’t take it anymore. She logged in using her account and changed the password, which means that the impostor was logged out from YM. Probably she tried to re-login using my mom’s account but to no avail. So that where our chat ended.

.
And hindi pa po tapos yun. A minute or two right after that incident, another YM popped up on my screen. Another YM user was saying “Hello” to me. Gusto nya lang daw makipag kaibigan coz she was so bored in Singapore. Pinay din daw sya and she was accompanying her mom in Singapore. She let me view her webcam and grabe! mukha syang mumu! Katakot! Not because she was ugly pero dahil super duper kapal ng kanyang make-up. Mumu-effect tlaga! Hehehe! So I asked her how did she get my ID. She told me thru YM Search Philippines. I’m not familiar with that functionality of YM but I tried looking for it to make sure but I cannot find it. And then gusto nya makipag meet sakin when she comes back daw to the Philippines. Uwian nya daw ako ng webcam coz I also told her that my webcam is broken when she requested to see it. Sabi ko malayo ako sa Makati kahit na 15-min ride lang ito from our place pag walang traffic. So again to cut the story, all of a sudden she did not reply when I told her this. So we were thinking (my mom, my sis, Jay-ar & I) that the person acting as my mom & the second one is one person only because how did she ever know my YM ID. And probably she’s part of an illegal syndicate because she wanted to see me and she stopped chatting when I told her that I couldn’t. So that’s Friday night.

.

Saturday:

.

Saturday was kinda exhausting for me. I was supposed to leave the house @ exactly 10:45 am so that I would reach Sta. Rosa Laguna by 12 pm coz I will have lunch with my in-laws. But since I woke up late and I left the house later than expected, I reached Sta. Rosa around 12:30 pm. Kahiya nga kc pinaghinatay ko pa sila and they were probably hungry already. Anyway, this was not the only reason why I went to Sta. Rosa. We did a property tripping. O diba! Jay-ar wants to have our first property so we’re looking for a house & lot and Sta. Rosa is a good place for us because most of our relatives are from there. And the developer is Avida, one of the Ayala companies. So we expect that the place would really be nice and it is! I got home at around 5:30 pm due to traffic (I left Sta. Rosa @ 3 pm). I don’t know what happened to me but when I reached home, I feel so tired and sleepy and really exhausted. Probably because I am not used to long travels by land anymore. And also, I forgot to mention that I did not sleep well the night before that's why I woke up late. But despite of exhaustion, I was compelled to report immediately to my husband on what happened to the trip. And soon enough, I realized that I should have taken my rest first before chatting with him because due to my tiredness, I picked up a fight with my husband. *sadness*. Well, I won’t give the details anymore but we fought because of my bad. I shouldn’t have taken all my tiredness in him. Anyway, this fight is not just any ordinary fight, It was a big fight actually. He hated me that night and I hated him as well. I know it’s my fault but there were some expectations on my part from him that he did not do so I was really hurt and I cried myself to sleep that night.

.

What happened on Sunday? - to be continued… It's late already ... hehehe!

.

Continuation...

.

Sunday:

.

When I woke up Sunday morning, I felt like everything is turning because I did not sleep well mainly because of our fight. And at that time, masama pa din ang loob ko kay Jay-ar. The case is not the same with him. Okay na sya. Kailangan lang nya itulog ang lahat and then okay na sya, which is good for him actually. Or should I say, good for both of us. But despite the fact na okay na sya, he didn’t want to accept half of the blame. For him, it was my entire fault. And yes, at first, it was really all my fault, but when we were fighting or 'arguing' for a better term, there was also inconsideration on his part. So he said that we should be okay and that he already forgave me for picking up a fight with him. But I was still not okay. Not okay because I also wanted him to admit his mistakes. And on this day (Sunday), we were still arguing on whose fault it was and who was right and who was wrong. At the end, I gave way. Yes I did! Because it will never end if we are both so insisting. So I told him, ‘okay, I don’t totally agree with you but just to end this thing, next time we will do it your way.’ Well if you’re kinda confused on what I was talking about, we were actually arguing on how are we going to handle things when we’re fighting. Hehehe! Kasi ang gs2 nya, we settle it the next day so that both of us have cooled down. Ako naman, I don’t want to end the day without talking about and fixing it. Pero as I’ve said, I let him won! So next time we argue, we will just discuss it the next day. This is only applicable when we fight at night. But if it’s morning, then we have the whole day to talk about it or should I say, argue about it. Hehehe!

.

But I am proud to say that despite our many differences, we love each other so much. Actually marami talaga kaming hindi pinag kakasunduan. And to tell you the truth, magkaiba talaga ang ugali namin. BUT we are doing okay, well... i can say that more than okay. Kasi we love each other very very much. One thing that I will never forget is when he told me that I should not be worried if we talk about it the next day coz whatever we are fighting about, he will still love me, no matter what. *aaawwww* hehehe! Haaay, I really love that man so much… 8^) So Sunday night, we love each other again and I hope that next fight, we can work things out smoothly and easily. Hehehe! Well, hindi naman tlaga nawawala ang away… What’s important is that you fix it and you still love each other despite all arguments and differences. 8^)

.

Okay back to work na muna ako… hehehe!

*Sadness*

You told me you love me. But tell me again, do you still love me now? After all that has been said and done, I don't think I am in the position to believe everything that you will say. Coz if you really love me, you will not take me for granted and if you really love me you will consider my feelings. If you really love me, you will not hurt me.

So please, don't say you love me. Coz you don't.

>enigma<

fcuk

And who the fcuk do you think you are?

You are the only one who can make me feel this bad.

I hate you today!