Awwww...

LMAO

Women's English
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I am sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = You are in trouble
Sure go ahead = You better not
Do what you want = You will pay later
I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
You're very attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Men's English
I am hungry = I am hungry
I am sleepy = I am sleepy
I am tired = I am tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now
I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = = I'd like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie = = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner = = I'd like to have sex with you
Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

Life Before the Computer:
a memory is something that you lost with age
an application was for employment
a program was a TV show
a cursor used profanity
a keyboard was a piano
a web was a spider's home
a virus was the flu
a CD was a bank account
a hard drive was a long trip on the road
a mouse pad was where a mouse lived
and if you have a 3 1/2 inch floppy.............. you just hoped nobody found out.

Aggressive Marketing

Isang bagong vacuum cleaner salesman ang kumatok sa pinto ng unang bahay sa isang barangay. Isang babae ang nagbukas ng pinto. At bago pa nakapagsalita ang babae ay dali-daling pumasok papunta sa sala ang salesman, binuksan ang malaking plastic bag at ibinuhos lahat ng lamang tae ng kalabaw sa carpet.

"Miss, kapag hindi nalinis ng vacuum cleaner ko ang mga tae sa carpet niyo, kakainin ko isa-isa iyan!", pagyayabang ng salesman.

"Gusto mo ng ketsup para diyan?" tanong ng babae.

Tanong ng salesman, "Bakit ho?"

"Eh, kalilipat lang namin. Wala pa kaming kuryente."